I have a single friend. For the sake of this blog I’ll call him “Pierre” (I always wanted a European friend). Pierre is bankrupt in the dating department, and since the government isn’t offering relationship bailouts, I figured I’d give him a hand in his search. After all I do feel like I know him like, well, the back of my hand.

Since I know what Pierre looks for visually in a mate, I figured I would use this as my starting point at the local online dating site. Kinda like going to the fruit market and picking out the bunch of banana’s with the least amount of bruising….the bananas can’t be too green either, cause then it’s kinda creepy…anyway, back to the dating site.

I start my window shopping (remember, this is for Pierre), and realize there are a lot of members in the lonely hearts club. I found myself only opening profiles that had an attractive main profile pic. Pierre has high standards…some were wedding party pics (good idea, you’re looking your best), group photos (good, shows you’re social), hugging your dog (shows you’re not a crazy cat lady), the vacation bikini photo (shows what you could have after the third date)….all great profile photos, they peek your interest, makes you want to find out what her favorite color is…..then I came across these ACTUAL MAIN profile pics:

Maybe Pierre and Linda could sniff each others butt on the first date..

Pierre loves baseball, but he can’t hit a fast ball..

no jewelry, he dated a broche once, and it stabbed him in the heart.

so tanya, are you, or aren’t you? Pierre must know..

nope, Pierre’s an ear man.

awww, the sunset, if only Pierre was the moon, they would be perfect for each other.

high maintenance, all that pruning and watering..

I don’t know what to say about this one!

I don’t know, maybe I’ll try to get a hold of the Octomom, Pierre loves kids..

Tags: online dating